Over the years I have learned that there is one thing that really gets to me. One thing that is hard for me to get over and hard for me to forget. Lying. It is easy to think back to past relationships that burst into flames due to lies and deceit. I can vividly remember workplace lies or lies by friends. All of those situations hurt. They were painful and hard to forgive and move forward from. To be honest, some of them are still hard to handle. The interesting part of these thoughts is that I started to think about who has lied to me the most. It wasn’t a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even an ex. Turns out, it was me.
That is really a hard pill to swallow. To own the fact that I am the one who has told myself so many lies over and over that I have started to believe some of them. Other lies have been more like excuses. Most of them have been broken promises. The point of spending time on these thoughts isn’t to beat myself down or hate myself for these mistakes. Actually it is just the opposite. Sometimes you have to face the cold hard truth dead on and that is where I am at. If it is not OK for someone else to let me down in this way, how can I do it to myself?
I know it isn’t like I have meant to do it. It’s just that I have some bad habits that need some attention. One is that I have been sucked into this whirlwind of every day life. Somehow I have gotten stuck on lather, rinse, repeat. Over and over again. I don’t feel like I am making very intentional choices and it has been easy to let things slide. “Oh darn, didn’t quite have time for that workout tonight”….. “These clothes on the floor? Oh yeah, no time to get those picked up now. They won’t hurt anything.” The problem is that those “little” things build up over time pretty quickly and then they lead to more and more lies.
See if any of these sound familiar to you. “I just can’t stick to a workout plan. Obviously I am too busy.” I think that this one is pretty common. I actually like working out and still tell myself this lie over and over again. Here’s another one. “I’m just messy. I’ve always been this way, it is too hard for me to get myself organized.” I have been buying this lie for a very long time. Any other messy girls out there ever told yourselves this?
Other lies that might sound familiar might be about the way you look, how you parent, what you make for supper each night, or maybe even about your kid’s birthday party. I bet those lies might all circle around a thought of not being good enough. Raise your hand if you have been there. I can’t be the only one with both of mine held high above my head right now, right?
All of these lies are disappointing and really need to be corrected with a big dose of truth. The truth is that I work hard and so do you. I firmly believe that most people are doing they best the can with what they have. The problem is that we have something that we don’t always see. We have a lot more power and capability than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes it gets shoved down deep inside of us and we have to light an internal flame to find it again. I feel like I just recently found the match to light that flame.
I mentioned before that lies can be a broken promise to yourself. It’s a touch embarrassing to admit that I have done this so many times. I have broken promises to take care of myself more. Some promises that I have broken have been about things that I have wanted to try, risks to take. I’m not sure if it has been due to fear of failure? Maybe just because sometimes lying to ourselves is easy and we fall back into old habits. Either way, this recent revelation feels pretty motivating to me. I don’t want to ever be known as a liar. Even if I am the only one who knows it. So with that in mind, here are four ways to stop breaking those important promises to yourself.
Four Ways to Stop Breaking Promises to Yourself
- Instead of making excuses, call yourself out. Be brutally honest and tell yourself that you are breaking a promise to yourself. We have been led to believe that it’s OK to skip out here and there on something that we are working towards. This has been me shoveling spoonfuls of ice cream into my mouth. All the while telling myself the lie that this will help me feel better after a long day. Or it might be that I worked out so now this just cancels it out. Does this really help me reach my goals? Or, is this just a lie I am telling myself so that I feel better about cheating on my plan? I agree to not beat yourself up if you slip here and there. We are all human right? The real trouble is in making it a habit. Suddenly every single night there is a reason to not work out, to not spend time on your budget, to not meal plan, etc. Suddenly there goes your goal. It turns into something that you were doing.
- Write that goal down and hang it up! Start with something small and build from there. I used to right down goals in a notebook and for me that just didn’t cut it. It ended up buried in a drawer somewhere and I would stumble upon it years after. I’d read that goal a few times and then mourn it’s passing before tearing out the page and throwing it away. So, I now have a new plan. I spend some time writing out my goals. In fact, I work to make them pretty so that I have invested time in getting them on paper. I made a graphic organizer and printed them out. I saved it and have been updating them and printing off more as I meet my goals. Once that was done, I found a spot to hang it up. This way I can see them each day. I can remind myself that these are promises that I have made. This leads me to the next step.
- Set some small attainable goals to get yourself started. That way you can celebrate that success and start to shift your mindset. Those small wins can start to add up quickly towards your greater goal. The more we see ourselves living out this new version of truth, the more difficult it is to go back to believing the lies. Keep proving that you can keep your promises and you will start to regain that trust in yourself. It takes time. We know that trust is earned and not given and it usually doesn’t happen over night. I have started to work on getting more organized. One small attainable goal I had was to get my closet functional. It started off packed full and it was basically a disaster. I set a few small goals and chipped away at it. It was crazy how much that changed my confidence and belief in my ability to tackle more. Small wins lead to big results!
- Tell yourself why you can do it, not why you can’t! It can be a blessing and a curse to see potential flaws in your plan or goal. If you do find one, go the next step to figure out how to correct it. Don’t let it become the barrier that holds you back. It is easy to believe the lie that if there is one potential issue that it is not worth working towards. I have found myself trapped in the “yeah but….” way of thinking. This is when you make your plan or goal and you are all gung-ho and suddenly you find all the reasons why it won’t work out. Shift that thinking from “yeah but….” to “OK, so what!” Problem solve and come up with creative solutions to keep you moving forward.
I know that these four strategies are helping me to stop the cycle of breaking promises to myself. I hope they can help you to tackle some of the goals you have for yourself as well. Light that internal fire. Dig down deep and see what you have inside. Be the person that you trust more than anyone else and stop breaking those promises! I know you can do it!
