I don’t know about you, but it is easy to get sucked into the rush of each day. Often times our kids are pulled along for the ride. Days start early and there is a hurried effort to get up and get out the door. Your kids might spend the majority of their days at a daycare or a school. Our time with them as parents seems like it can be hard to come by. Evenings can be filled with practices, school events, homework, etc. Then there is the routine of supper, baths or showering, brushing teeth, reading, and off to bed they go!
It feels like the days fly by. Each day our children take in various messages about life and about themselves. We aren’t always aware of what those messages are or the impact they can have. At times, those things are out of our control. We do know though, that we see our children for who they really are. We know that they need to hear loving and empowering messages from us. I think of it like being a mirror. Our job is to help reflect back all of the good they have inside them. They need to hear it to help them believe it.
It can be difficult to send those messages at 7:15 AM. If you are like me you are running out the door with your coffee in hand at that point. Literally, running out the door to make it to your first meeting of the day on time. Throughout the day you might or might not even be with them. So that leaves that the nighttime rush. You can tell them these things over dinner. Just know that you might be interrupted by drink spills or the inevitable bathroom break that has to happen mid-meal. Your toddler might be busy chucking their fork on the ground for the tenth time. Your teen might be taking a snap chat video of themselves. You might be trying to talk to your spouse about the day and lay out the plans for the next. If that time doesn’t quite work out, maybe afterwords. You know….when you are doing dishes and cleaning up the supper mess. Maybe you want to tell them, but the night somehow slips away from you.
So when is the right time? You can insert those thoughts and beliefs you hold so dearly about your children at any time. It’s just that so many moments are filled with distractions that can take away from the power of your message. That is why I have found bedtime to be so effective. No TV playing in the background, no screaming siblings, no tablets, no toys. Just quiet. Just you and your kid however old they might be. Maybe you are cuddled up next to them. Maybe you are sitting beside them. Wherever you are, just make sure that you are in the moment with them. Just enjoy that time of peace and quiet together. Those moments might be few and far between.
I have always believed that it’s important for a person (child or adult really) to go to bed each night feeling valued. I really hope that the last thoughts a person has running through their mind before they fall asleep are thoughts that they matter. They have strengths that someone else sees. No matter what the day has brought. It could have been filled with great successes or epic failures. Angelic behavior or epic meltdowns. No matter what the outcome, we need to know that a day does not define us as a person. I think that is a great lesson to learn from a young age.
These quick and simple suggestions can help you to ensure that your kids hear a positive message from you each and every day. They are so worth it!
5 Things Your Kids Need to Hear Before Bed Each Night
1. I love you no matter what.
I know this seems obvious, but make sure to slow down. It’s easy to get into the habit of yelling a quick “I love you” and heading out their door. I’ve been guilty of that before and then I always seem to regret it. I feel like I have let them down if that is how I ended our day together. I know I have it in me to do better than that. You might not always like the choices your kids make or their attitudes. I can testify to that. Somehow though, you know that you will always love them.
2. I’m Proud of You
Our kids live in a world that is extremely demanding. There are high expectations from academics to athletics to arts and everywhere in between. They are doing the best that they can and they need to hear that you are noticing. You can have pride in your child for a variety of reasons. You probably think it to yourself all of the time, but we don’t always say it. If you have older kids you probably remember the feeling of pride when they first slept through the night. I know I was super proud when my kids figured out the whole potty training gig! That first day of being dry at daycare was huge in our house! You might be proud of how they did their homework without being reminded. Proud of them for working really hard to master drawing a picture of their favorite superhero. Proud of them for taking their brother by the hand and asking him if he would like to play. Whatever it is, just remember it. Notice those things because they really do matter. Then take the time to tell them.
3. What is something that made you happy today?
Give them the chance to reflect on something positive that happened. There is something good to be found in every single day. This way of reflecting can help them to foster a positive mindset. You might get answers like “recess was good” or “I dunno.” I have had that happen and that’s alright. I just try to model and make it fun. You can think of creative or funny things to share yourself and they might surprise you with something pretty insightful.
4. How you feel matters.
Kids might feel like they have to cover up or hide their feelings throughout their day. They need to know that their feelings matter and you are there to hear them out. Many kids feel that emotions like sadness or anger have a negative connotation. They might feel like they will be in trouble if they express them. Let your kids know that you truly care about how they feel. You might not share the same feeling, but that is OK. It is their perception and they need to know that they can safely share that with you.
5. You make me happy.
Let them know that they bring you joy. That you love the time that you get to spend with them, even if it can be hard at times. Your toddler might try your patience from their seat in the cart at Wal-Mart…I’m not the only one right? Your pre-teen’s attitude might be driving you crazy, but your kids make you happy. They are your everything. Your greatest challenge and joy all wrapped into one.
So there you have it. Five things that your kids really need to hear, especially from you. Help them to close their eyes at night and to truly know your parent heart. That you see them. You love them unconditionally. They will fall asleep knowing how much they matter. That’s one of the greatest gifts we can give to them.
